i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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