He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
