Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
