Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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