i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
