I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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