Already got asked if we're dating
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
