i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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