I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
