do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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