So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
