I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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