mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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