before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
