some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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