I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
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As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
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He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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