They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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