The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
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Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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