I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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