I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
