My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He felt like a one man threesome
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
