dude i'm inner monologue high
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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