I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
