You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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