Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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