just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My ATM looks so different sober.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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