i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
