I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
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Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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