If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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