All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
