I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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