I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
