Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
