i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
