matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
