can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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