You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
