well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
