I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
