More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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