we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
