My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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