sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it glows. i had to have it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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