our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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