Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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