If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
