i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
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no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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