then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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