she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
