Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
