u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
