and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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