i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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