i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
