I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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