The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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