I wish I could punch you in the face.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
