so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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