I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
