is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
