I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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