you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
