its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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