Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
