Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
His hands were made for my vagina.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
