she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
