literally had 100 drinks last night.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
