your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
