You're my little dorito
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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