i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
