She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
