I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
